Such Horrible Things
by arisu rin
Summary: “Don't impound me, for I am not sane. My troubled ways will get the best of me. I cannot be held accountable for my actions, no lunatic should.”


_Disclaimer Nicole Hyrule from owns the first quote, I found the quote from her, when i was looking through the quotes….Batman/Dark Knight belongs to DC Comics and Christopher Nolan and Warner Brothers. No ownership of anything, not even the song Such Horrible Things by Creature Feature. Also credit goes to the show Patient J, on YouTube…_

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**Such Horrible Things**

"Don't impound me, for I am not sane. My troubled ways will get the best of me. I cannot be held accountable for my actions, no lunatic should." The Joker drawled his voice slow and smooth yet his eyes flashed with such mirth that one knew something was going around in his head.

_Like a Jack in the box,_ the Doctor mused, _one can never expect when he will do something._ The Doctor looked upon him with such interest, but it didn't even seem to unnerve the clown. But he continued to study the clown, with such fascination, it was amusing.

And that was his first mistake.

"I'm Doctor Kyle Saller, I'm writing a book on you, and I wanted to ask a few questions to help me understand you better." Introducing himself, Kyle waited for a reaction. But all he got was a short reply, "Ask away, Doctor."

"Your childhood, I don't understand it. These abuse stories you make up…the stories about your father…" Kyle said each phrase slowly, as those phrases would activate a time bomb, leaving him in pieces. "Father…eh?" The Joker's voice lowered, as he looked left and right, before leaning across the table.

"My childhood was interesting Doc, being born in a wealthy family and all. Youngest child too completely spoiled…but when I was born I bit the nurse, then I drove my family insane…"

"Really?"

"When I was two I super glued, my daddy dearest's hair…He became bald because of me. You know that slot that the mail man pushes the mail into? Wait of course, you know…I always stood by there, then when the timing was right, I pushed a knife through that…and he got stabbed, real bad…I was four then…There was **blood** _everywhere_ on the concrete of our house…"

"Stop, right there for a moment," Kyle pushed his glasses back up and looked at the clown in front of him.

"Doctor, I'm waiting…"

"You were four when that occurred; your sociopathic tendencies began then. Did you suffer abuse? What about neglect? Hatred?"

"Doc…I was four years old, for Christ's sake. You expect me to remember WHY I stabbed the mailman. I could tell you how but never why."

"One more thing, super gluing your father's hair, did that earn you any hatred from him?"

"Nope, he told me I took after him, he was so proud." The Joker looked at the puzzled psychiatrist with amusement.

"But-"

"If memory serves me correctly, Doctor Kyle Saller, you told me to tell you a narrative of my childhood, story first, questions later. Understand?"

The Joker not even bothering to notice, the Doctors appalled face continued right on with the story.

"I remember playing hide and seek one Halloween night, I was six years old Doc…My friend was the hider and I was the seeker. And I got hungry, and when a kid is hungry he forgets about things, right? So I left my dear little friend to fend for his self and he ended up dead. Next thing happened when I was eight; I didn't like my house so I _**burned**_ it to the ground. When I was ten-"

"So you BURNED your house to the ground?"

"Are you deaf?"

"No…it's just that, you once said that you wanted to watch the world burn, did that urge start way back then?" Kyle questioned, his curiosity getting the best of him. The Joker shook his head in response, "How am I supposed to know, you are the doctor, why ask me?"

"Stop interrupting me…Anyways…Like I was saying, when I was ten, I was like the boy who called wolf. I kept telling them that someone was drowning, every time we went to the beach. Eventually the stopped believing me, but at that time…someone did drown, I recall laughing in their face. When I was twelve I pushed my sister down a well, and ignored her pleas for help. I stayed there though…took a nap, while she was crying err…I meant **dying**. When I was fourteen…nothing really happened, _oh that time_…"

The Joker stopped abruptly and looked at the Doctor and grinned, his infamous grin, "But ya don't wanna hear about that do ya doc? I rather skip to when I was sixteen. I pushed my brother in a hole, when we were exploring a cemetery. Then I buried him _alive_."

The Doctor gasped, and looked at him, "I don't believe it…It isn't possible…" Cackling in response the Joker responded, "Oh…believe it Doc, I buried him, only memory of him, is this shovel. I think he was trying to bury me alive, but who knows about my family's mental health?"

When the Doctor didn't respond, the Joker continued, "I was eighteen when I lived in my first padded cell…Fun actually. Watching those doctors and nurses tick, slowly but, surely before they just **COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE**!" His voice became much shriller as he finished that sentence.

The Doctor was now trembling, "It isn't possible…These are all lies…" The Doctors voice spoke as he continued, "There is no possible way for a boy to have such killer tendencies at such a young age. No one can kill a family member. Relax Kyle, he is just trying to unnerve you…Remember what you planned…"

"Planned? And who said anything about unnerving people? I don't unnerve people, I make them tick." The Joker's calm reply came from across the table. The Joker pushed his chair back and propped his legs up on the table, his tattered red Converses the only splash of color, besides his prison uniform. His dark russet eyes, seemed even more darker with the black paint, and his lips curled as he spoke making him seem much more gruesome, "Tell me Doctor, what did you have planned for lil' old me?"

When the Doctor didn't respond, he continued, his eyes dancing with more mirth than ever, "If you planned something, I must have done something to you. Who did I kill, is it your Mommy, what about Daddy? If it isn't them is it your Brother or your Sister? All of them? A friend? A girlfriend? A lover? A wife? A husband?"

The look the Doctor gave him at that, caused a deep chuckle to emerge from the clown's throat. "Just chekin', Doc because I know how stunning I can be, and that is really stunning…So who did I kill?"

"My...my...wife and my unborn child, you burned the hotel where we were staying at the time, as a diversion for the Batman. Ever since then, I have been trying to find you…learn about you. I know your expressions, your habits…everything, but that piece of personal information that you leave hidden for you own personal enjoyment."

"Poor you…Did I ever tell you how I got these scars? I had a wife real pretty, and she was pregnant with my baby. I was a comedian then…not very good, those people don't know real humor when they hear it," The Joker let out a melodramatic sigh, and continued, "So then I get fired, after that desperate for money, I help this guy sneak into some chemical plant for money. They put this red thing on my head, so I can see, but the world can't. Making me look like the diversion, all of the sudden, Batsy shows up, but I manage to escape. I come home, and get a call from the hospital. Says my wife got electrocuted from some microwave when trying to warm some hot chocolate. I ask if they are fine, and they laugh. **LAUGH**, Kyle. Tell me she died."

The Joker looked up for a moment and noticed the Doctor slowly trying to make an escape. "Stop Doc, I am not finished yet. So then those idiots I left behind show up to my house holding a knife. Tell me it is real funny to leave them behind. I have my back pressed to the wall out of fear, just like that Kyle."

The Joker looks, up at the Doctor now cowering in fear against the wall, and walks towards him, with each word he says, "They ask me 'Why so serious, a comedian shouldn't be so…solemn….it just ain't right. So they repeat the question, again, 'Why so serious,' and scar me."

The Joker draws out his signature blade, "A magic trick Doc, learned it at some children's party. _**So why so serious**_?"

**I Am Not A Bad Man  
Even Though I Do Bad Things  
Very Bad Things  
Such Horrible Things  
But It's Not Quite What It Seems  
Not Quite What He Seems  
Not Quite What I Seem  
Ah, Hell  
It's Exactly What It Seems**

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**_How is it? Wrote it late last night...There will be a sequel, I am plotting it as I write this AN. I suggest listening to the song, while reading this. Much credit goes to the band. The sequel shall be posted this weekend or something. Tell me what you think in a review, and encourage me to write. _

_**So Review. **_

_**And thank you.  
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